Category Archives: Mindset

Lessons from the book: From Failure to Success: Everyday Habits and Exercises to Build Mental Resilience and Turn Failures Into Successes

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Top 10 Lessons from the book: From Failure to Success: Everyday Habits and Exercises to Build Mental Resilience and Turn Failures Into successes By Martin Meadows

1. If you face a difficult problem and you tell yourself, “I don’t know how to deal with it,” you’ll think of reasons why you can’t do it — and not potential solutions. Your brain acts on your instructions, and it’s the words you use that steer your thinking process. If instead you tell yourself, “Okay, let’s find a way to figure it out,” you’ll think of potential solutions and probably solve the problem. Same problem, different words, different outcome. As powerful as our brains are, words can fool them — and you can use this phenomenon to your benefit.

2. Dwelling on your failure reinforces it and makes you less effective at dealing with future failures. Turning the failure into a lesson will help you to reinforce a positive coping mechanism.

3. The next time you fail, resist the temptation to let anger, frustration, discouragement or self-guilt make you give up. Give yourself time to process the negative emotions, and then make a list of the lessons you’ve learned from not reaching your desired outcome. This will help you develop a positive mechanism for coping with failure. When you transform a failure into a list of lessons, you’ll empower yourself by thinking in terms of possible ideas for improvement instead of poisoning yourself with negativity.

4. Whenever you find yourself angry at a situation you can’t change, remind yourself that it’s not up to you. Accepting that things are beyond your control will give you a sense of peace and enable you to move on. Peace of mind comes from focusing on what you can control instead of wasting your energy on things you can’t change. the only things you can always control are your own thoughts and subsequent beliefs, attitudes, and actions.

5. If you repeatedly fail with the same goal, it’s possible you set unrealistic expectations and are stuck in the false hope loop. To avoid failing due to unrealistic expectations, make sure to carefully research the feasibility of your goals. Does an average entrepreneur build a six-figure business in six months?

6. If you’ve already failed a couple of times and want to try again, consider completely changing your approach, rather than trying the same approach again and expecting different results. Perhaps the approach you’ve taken isn’t founded on healthy principles or doesn’t work in your unique situation. When you close your mind to alternative approaches, you can get stuck in the failure loop forever.

7. When setting a new goal and deadline, remind yourself that ultimately even if you don’t achieve something by your self-imposed deadline, you’re still farther ahead.

8. Sacrifice is necessary. Sacrificing less-important goals will give you more power to work on the most crucial objectives. Prioritize big life improvements like changing your diet, getting a better job, starting a business, or finding a life partner, over less significant objectives.

9. Embrace boredom. It’s exciting to set new goals or follow new strategies, but if you prioritize excitement over effectiveness, you’ll only lose focus and possibly fail. If something works, stick to it.

10. Practice defensive pessimism by imagining the worst and preparing for it. The next time you find yourself preparing for a situation that produces anxiety, come up with a list of everything that can go wrong. Then, address every item one by one by coming up with a list of possible solutions and implement them to reduce the risk of the setback happening.

11. If you don’t believe you deserve success, you’ll sabotage your efforts. If you limit your growth because you’re afraid of hurting others, remind yourself that becoming a better person gives you more resources to help them.

12. If you don’t recognize your strengths, make a list of your motivations, strengths, relationships, and other assets that can help you achieve your goal. Then think of past situations that you solved, thanks to these resources.

13. The best way to build long-term resolve is to develop a long-term passion that consistently motivates you to persist in spite of challenges. When performed over the long term, it will build up your reserves of mental strength while you’re enjoying yourself.

14. You must believe that if you persist at it, you will get better at it. You won’t stick to anything in the long term if you doubt your abilities to improve.

15. Find a way to introduce a big change in your life with little commitment and investment on your part. If it works well, make it a permanent change.

 

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Dog Sitting on a Nail Story

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There is a story of an old man and his dog sitting on the porch. It’s hot outside. The old man is sipping on his lemonade and the dog is sitting next to him moaning in pain.

The neighbor across the street hears the dog moaning for several minutes, and his curiosity gets the best of him, so he approaches the old man.

He asks the old man, “why is your dog moaning?” The old man responds by saying: “the dog is sitting on a nail.”

Perplexed, the neighbor asks, “why doesn’t the dog just get up and move to another spot on the porch?”

The old man takes another sip of lemonade, smiles, thinks about his response and says, “it doesn’t hurt bad enough!”

Even though the dog was moaning in pain, the pain wasn’t “bad enough” for the dog to do something about it. Instead, all he did was moan.

All the dog really needed to do was stand up, move several inches, and find a comfortable spot on the porch to lay down.

People Can Be Like the Dog

This story describes human nature. People are comfortable, even if they are unhappy and are experiencing pain. We all have a comfort zone. Your comfort zone dictates your daily habits, thoughts, actions and success in life.

Additionally, people fear change. People also fear failure. Many people are unhappy with their lot in life, but they will not step out of their comfort zone and change. Why? Because the pain doesn’t hurt bad enough for them to make a change in their life. They believe the pain of changing is greater than the pain of staying the same.

It’s not until people get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and make the decision they will do whatever it takes, that they will change and do what they need to do.

Ten Things You Should Say To Yourself!

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In the intricate landscape of your minds, the thoughts you harbor can mold your reality. Your self-talk, the inner dialogue you have with yourself, can be either a force of empowerment or a source of self-sabotage.

Here are ten mantras that can help you navigate the depths of your consciousness and cultivate a more positive and fulfilling life.

1. “I am capable and deserving of success and happiness.” Banish the notion of inadequacy. Remind yourself that you possess the skills and potential to achieve greatness and that happiness is not an elusive dream but a state of mind you can cultivate.

2. “I have the ability to learn and grow.” Replace self-doubt with the belief in your adaptability and resilience. Embrace challenges as stepping stones towards personal development and self-improvement.

3. “Failure is an opportunity for growth.” Reframe your perspective on failure. Embrace mistakes as valuable lessons that pave the way for future success. Every stumble is a chance to rise stronger than before.

4. “I am worthy of love and affection.” Dismiss thoughts of unworthiness and embrace self-love. Recognize that you deserve care and affection, just as much as anyone else.

5. “Happiness is within my reach.” Dispel thoughts of eternal dissatisfaction. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Seek joy in the little things and acknowledge that your happiness is within your control.

6. “My journey is unique, and I celebrate my progress.” Avoid the pitfalls of comparison. Each path is distinct, and every step you take is a milestone on your individual journey. Celebrate your growth and accomplishments, however big or small.

7. “I embrace my imperfections and focus on growth.” Release the burden of perfectionism. Embrace your flaws and acknowledge that they are a part of what makes you beautifully human. Channel your energy towards self-improvement instead.

8. “Change is natural, and I am adaptable.” Embrace the ebb and flow of life. Recognize that change is inevitable and that you have the power to adapt and evolve through life’s transitions.

9. “I hold inherent value and make a difference.”Reclaim your sense of importance. Your thoughts, actions, and presence have an impact on the world around you. Embrace your uniqueness and cherish the difference you make.

10. “I believe in my ability to achieve my goals.”Replace doubt with determination. Break your goals into manageable steps and trust in your capacity to persevere. Success is attainable with a steadfast belief in yourself.

Conclusion

As you navigate the labyrinth of your thoughts, remember that you hold the key to your own empowerment.

The words you say to yourself shape your reality, influence your actions, and ultimately define your destiny.

Embrace the power of positive self-talk, for it can be a guiding light on your journey to a more fulfilling and contented life. Ignite the fire within you to conquer challenges, embrace growth, and create a future brimming with possibility and purpose.

References:

  1. https://youthvillage.co.ke/10-things-you-should-never-say-to-yourself/#

Your Mindset and Clarity of Vision

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A young couple moved into a new house. The next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside.

“That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better soap powder. Her husband looked on, remaining silent.

Every time her neighbor hung her washing out to dry, the young woman made the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?”

The husband replied, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life… What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, especially if your perspective of life is clouded by anger, jealousy, negativity or unfulfilled desires.

“Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.”

Mindset Matters and Mindset is Everything

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Everything you experience in your life from one moment to another is an outcome of your mindset, it’s all about what you think and how you think.

Your mindset affects everything, everything that you do, everything that you feel, and everything that you perceive.

When you want to change something in your life, don’t look far, simply look at your mindset, because when that changes, everything changes.

Be mindful of your mindset.

“Everything that you experience in your life from one moment to another is an outcome of your mindset; it’s all about what you think and how you think. Your mindset affects everything, everything that you do, everything that you feel, and everything that you perceive.  When you want to change something in your life, don’t look far, simply look at your mindset, because when that changes, everything changes.  Be mindful of your mindset.”

Life is a Journey

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Life is a journey filled with thousands of steps to be taken. Each step matters, they sum up the entirety of your existence.

You must be intentional about taking these steps each day. The size of the step you take doesn’t matter, what matters is that you take that step.

Don’t be too focused on what is to come that you neglect what you need to do now.

Don’t be discouraged by how far you still have to go, be encouraged by how far you’ve come and inspired by what’s ahead.

Sometimes your progress may not be glaring, but be rest assured that for each step you take, something incredible is happening. The result may take time to be seen, but eventually you will see it.

A day will come when you will look back and see how those little steps you took have become a mighty span of great deeds.

Today requires you take a step, no matter little, remember it counts.

Source:  Mordecai Orimiladeye, Mordy Quotes

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

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Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse, recorded patients’ dying epiphanies and put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware wrote of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how you might learn from her patients’ wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Bonnie Ware:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

References:

  1. Susie Steiner, Top five regrets of the dying, The Guardian, February 1, 2012.  https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

Maybe, Maybe No

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The Zen story “Maybe, Maybe Not”. It goes like this:

A farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbor came over to express his sympathy, but the farmer just said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

A few days later, the horse returned with a herd of wild horses. The neighbor came over to congratulate the farmer, but the farmer just said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

Then the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses, but he fell off and broke his leg. The neighbor came over to express his sympathy, but the farmer just said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

A few weeks later, the army came to the village to draft young men into the army. The farmer’s son was exempted because of his broken leg. The neighbor came over to congratulate the farmer, but the farmer just said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

The story teaches us that we cannot always predict the outcomes of events, and that what may seem like a misfortune may actually turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Elephant and Limiting Belief

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The first trick an elephant trainer teaches an elephant is not to escape.

When the elephant is still but a baby, the trainer chains the infant’s leg to a huge log, so when/if the elephant tries to escape, the log proves stronger and he gives up. Eventually the elephant becomes so used to its captivity, that even when it has grown huge and strong, all the trainer has to do is merely tie a rope around the elephant’s leg to anything – even a peg and the elephant won’t even try to escape. It has become a prisoner of its past.

“The Elephant Rope” is a story about limiting beliefs. The elephants were conditioned from a young age to believe that they could not break free from the rope. As a result, the elephants never tried to gain freedom again, even when they were fully grown and capable of doing so.

Moral of the story: Limiting beliefs can hold us back from reaching our full potential. We may have been conditioned by our past experiences or beliefs to believe that we cannot achieve something, but in reality, we may be more capable than we think. By breaking free from our limiting beliefs and challenging ourselves, we can achieve great things.

Source:  https://www.notsalmon.com/2015/04/29/limiting-beliefs/

Viktor Frankl and the Search for Meaning in Life

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“Striving to find meaning in one’s life is the primary motivational force in man.”  ~ Viktor Frankl

As Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, devoted his life to studying, understanding and promoting “meaning.”  He developed the psychological approach known as logotherapy (from the Greek logos, meaning “reason” or “principle”).

While observing the brutality and degradation within the Nazi concentration camps during WWII, he theorized that those Jewish concentration camp prisoners who tended to survive the experience, were not those who were physically strong, but those who retained a sense of control over their environment, and had some meaning and purpose in their lives.

These prisoners with meaning and who retained a ’sense of control’ were more likely to survive the dehumanizing experience; he himself tried to recreate the manuscript of a book he had been writing before his capture.

“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except for one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.” ~ Viktor Frankl

According to Frankl, meaning can be found through:

  • “Experiencing reality by interacting authentically with the environment and with others,
  • Giving something back to the world through creativity and self-expression, and
  • Changing our attitude when faced with a situation or circumstance that we cannot change.”

He observed:

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances—to choose one’s own way.”

For Frankl, joy was an important byproduct of finding meaning in life. He points to studies where there is marked difference in life spans between “trained, tasked animals,” i.e., animals with a purpose, than “taskless, jobless animals.”

In his famous book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he tells the story of how he survived the Holocaust by finding personal meaning in the experience, which gave him the will to live through it. He concludes that “without meaning, people fill the void with hedonistic pleasures, power, materialism, hatred, boredom, or neurotic obsessions and compulsions.”

“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.” ~ Viktor Frankl

In “Man’s Search For Meaning”, he says for a person to be happy they need 3 things:

1. Someone to love (relationship).
2. Something to do (meaning and purpose).
3. Something to look forward to (vision and hope).

References:

  1. https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/viktor-frankl/
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/mans-search-meaning